You may find that once you become a mother, your friendship groups begin to shift. You may begin to drift from those you were once close to because they cannot relate to your new lifestyle or routine. Having a baby may sometimes put pressure on you to change the way you live or the availability you have for other people. If you feel that you are drifting away from your old friends, it’s best to sit them down and talk about how you are feeling. Those who value your friendship may want to stay and find ways to help you with this new role in your life. They may want to come to your house with a cooked meal, hold the baby whilst you have a shower or take you for a walk. Small acts of kindness go a long way and by talking about this with your friends they may be able to offer some support. You may also find that once you have adjusted to your new role as a mother and settled down that you want to enjoy a few hours with your friends away from your baby, whilst they are in the care of someone you trust. Having that time with your friends to catch up and laugh can help your mental health and happiness.
Yet, when you become a mother, you may also create new friends with those who also have a baby or young children. Having friends that can relate to the everyday life and responsibilities of being a parent can be extremely useful. You may find a new bond and perspective with those who have a shared understanding. Motherhood can be a very lonely time, especially as you adjust to life with a new born and your postpartum body. The best way to find other mothers is by attending baby classes in your local community centre or library or alternatively joining a group online. Meeting new mothers may be daunting but taking small steps will build your confidence and boost your mental wellbeing.
It’s important to protect the energy around you during this time. Often, as mothers we tend to fall into a rabbit hole of comparison when we are amongst others who have children of similar age. You may find that some mothers have a competitive nature about them especially when talking about their child’s milestone. You may be having a particularly bad day and feeling vulnerable so seeing other mothers managing well with their children can make you feel low. Remind yourself that every parent has challenging days with their children and often people are good at concealing what they don’t want others to see whether that’s in person or online. Social media can be a great tool to connect with others and be inspired but it can also have a toxic impact on our mental health if we compare our life with others. Its important to find mothers whose company you enjoy and do not feel overwhelmed or pressured to be a certain kind of way. The best friendships are those where you do not feel judged and those who offer support, guidance, and love.